I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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