i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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