I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
