Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
