Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
