Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
