What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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