Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
