I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
