My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
