well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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