he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
