The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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