yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
