super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Pants are for mortals
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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