The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
