saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
