NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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