my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
