had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
