oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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