the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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