chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
