I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
