Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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