i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
