My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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