We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
