I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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