No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
