Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
