how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
