Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
