I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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