He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
