Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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