tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
