i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
