lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
