i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
