I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
