hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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