come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
