i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
