my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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