McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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