Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
