Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
