ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
