There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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