Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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