things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
